Emmett's Adventure in the Mall
by xxJxROxx
Summary: Whoa I'm back! This time around, Emmett goes to the mall. I haven't done anything in a while so this is just a little bit of what I've written. What do you think? Please review! From the writer of Emmett's Adventure in Wal*Mart.


Emmett's Adventure in the Mall

**Disclaimer : Stephenie Meyer owns the Characters used below.**

**A/N: dudesss I haven't done anything on this site in…forever! But I'm back, and I'm ready to write again. You might have read Emmett's Adventure in Wal*Mart? Yeah, well I wrote that. So here I go-- (:**

_(Emmett's POV)_

"What are we doing here?" I asked Edward curiously, wondering why he would bring me to the mall where I could easily humiliate myself. It was just so damn easy, with all of these humans around.

"Just shut up and deal with it," he whispered fiercely, obviously _someone_ had listened in to my thought process. You know, when he does that it really pisses me off, I mean, it **really **does. I could be like, fucking masturbating in my brain and he's just standing there watching it all himself. Pervert. Eddie probably gets his own enjoyment that way…god damn. I just unraveled his entire life story…

He leaned towards me and pulled on my arm a little bit, which flippin freaked me out!

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" _Ahhh Bitch! He brought me here to sexually assault me with no escape- _

"I've been asking you to come with me into Hot Topic for the past two minutes but you weren't paying attention…" his eyes gazed into mine worryingly, as he explained. I looked away and noticed that several bystanders were anxiously staring at us, probably wondering if we were going to "tussle" or some other stupid shit. Couldn't anyone just give me a break for once?

"Fine. Just, don't touch me again," I warned, turning towards the store and galloping in. _Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle alllllllll the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a- how does it go? Ehh, whatever. It's the middle of July, I guess it doesn't exactly-_

"Would you, please, for the sake of my sanity, shut the hell up?" Eddie groaned, massaging his temples as he always did. _Hehehehehe. _Why sing to myself and only punish him, when I could punish the entire store?

"JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY! LALALALALALALALALALAALALALALALA-"

"Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave the store if you continue singing," a tall guy from the cash register bellowed out to me. Oh, he definitely wanted to tussle. But I had to keep my composure and hide how much I wanted to show him my guns, and point the barrels in his face! Because if my guns were _actual_ guns, they'd be a 9mm for sure, and his would be, like, a fucking Red Rider BB gun or some other lame shit like that.

"Sure, no problemo, Steve-a-rino." I called over, seeing as that was the name on his tag. I then headed toward Edward. "So what are you lookin' to buy?"

"This band shirt for Jacob. It's his birthday soon and I wanted to make a polite gesture," he replied stiffly and simply. If I left Rose for a short period of time and some whack-job werewolf started hitting on her, and when I came back he imprinted on my daughter, I think I would have to tussle with him. But Edward, oh no, he has to be a "gentleman" and buy the dude a t-shirt. People tell me there's something wrong with ME? Psh. Rain check pah-lease!

"What band?"

"The Foo Fighters…why?"

" I LOVEEEE THEM! SUCH A LONELY DAY, AND IT'S MINE-"

"That's System of a Down, dumb ass." Edward rolled his eyes at me as the tall man from before walked towards me.

"Sir, you're going to have to leave A.S.A.P.," he looked down at me, pointing in the direction of the door.

"Could you stop calling me sir? You know what, I have a name. And it isn't "sir" or "Steve's Bitch" either, so I'm going to have to ask you to **back away **A.S.A.P.," I poked at his puffed out chest, deflating his self-eesteme. "SUCK ON THAT!"

"That doesn't even make sense…" the dude said.

"YOU'RE BEEF DOESN'T SCARE ME!"

"Excuse me?" I was really confusing him now.

"I'M A FUCKING VEGETARIAN!" I yelled proudly, shoving my fist towards the sky. Amen.

**This is just a taste. Should I continue? **


End file.
